


Breathe Me In

by Jacob_The_Random_Writer



Category: South Park
Genre: Adult life is hard, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Older Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacob_The_Random_Writer/pseuds/Jacob_The_Random_Writer
Summary: “Starks Pond” was written out in white carved letters along with some basic information about the area. Kenny let out a sigh as he remembered being young and spending countless hours skipping rocks and throwing sticks into this very pond. He shared many a kiss and took many a date to this pond. As he began down the road towards the trail to the pond he felt a calm come over him. Seems he’s always ending up here and he’s always starting things here. It seemed only natural for his long-term relationship to be ending here too.In which Kenny finds himself ending and beginning anew while Butters is trying to find stability.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Breathe Me In

The impossibly dark woods flew past the car small droplets of water magnifying dots of the black forest before inevitably being whipped away due to speed. The rain was coming down hard as it always did in South Park during the cold season which stretched for far too long. The silence in the car was so thick and unrelenting that it laid upon the two inside like a heavy blanket tucked snuggly into each corner and nook of the car. The heft and duration of the silence was enough to siphon Kenny’s energy out leaving him dazed and tired. Then out of the silence spoke the driver her usual tone broken with sadness. 

“Why are you doing this?”she asked although the question was rhetorical she did not want nor did she expect an answer from Kenny. The two had been dating a couple years maybe more perhaps a bit less neither had been keeping track. When they started they were young, but the responsibility of growing up had changed them now neither knew of their past selves. Both had become bitter and resentful towards the other their entire apartment seemed to balance on eggshells and paper thin glass. Kenny’s eyes lazily moved over to her side of the car she gripped the steering wheel tightly her knuckles almost white with pressure. The car hadn’t so much as moving a centimeter in the past twenty minutes. Kenny wondered if he had been trying to pick this fight with her. That maybe in some way if she initiated the fight then the break up would bother Kenny less. Maybe he would feel less guilty if she started it, but that was only an excuse. Finally Kenny spoke despite knowing the question was not searching for an answer his brain gave one any way. 

“I’m not doing anything”he lied, but she didn’t believe it and frankly neither did Kenny. The air was frigid condensation rose on the windows and windshield sticking to the glass and fogging the view. The silence returned to the car just as thick and heavy as before hanging over them like a wet blanket. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her blinking back obviously fake tears, at least Kenny told himself they were fake. Then like a hot knife through butter the argument started neither knew who started or what it even was about. They fought yelling back and forth topics which did not connect nothing had a start and nothing had a finish they merely shouted to appease the silence and their own anger. When the voices finally died out fizzling out like a firecracker dampened by a drop of rain the music found its way in. 

Kenny had forgotten there was music, the sound so low that it had been lost to the ringing of their ears and the sounds of the road. Kenny’s eyes locked onto the road after their storm was a calm as they once again buckled to their fears of being apart. Being alone. They would rather live hating one another then take the chance apart and discover they hate themselves. Up ahead as the car lights painted more road ahead came a curve. The lights caught the yellow sigh with a black arrow glinting in the beams. Kenny waited as they came up to the approaching curve a right turn to continue on their way back to their street. Back to their sad lonely apartment. Back to their soul twisting, suffer-in-silence, way of life. Kenny waited and waited but when she did not turn the wheel he began to worry. 

The curve was deep and they were going at a speed far too fast to take the turn without crashing. The anxiety of changing their direction, changing their comfortable straight forward plan, grew inside Kenny until he finally broke. Before it was too late Kenny lurched over and yanked the wheel turning the car. 

“What? Are you trying to kill us?”Kenny shouted with quickness his girlfriend began shouting back. Her hands were now pale white as they held the wheel even tighter the car now moving at a slow pace. They yelled back and forth for a bit about what just happened before Kenny said something that stopped the fight. 

“Let me out. Stop the car”he yelled her face shifted from angry to scared yet she still stopped the car. Kenny went for the door when the handle clicked she spoke. 

“If you get out, that’s it. We’re really ending it”she said her voice had an edge, but hid sadness. It was terrifying to think of a life without her in it, they had been each other’s everything for so long, but that did not mean they have to be each other’s everything forever. Kenny stepped out into the cold rain and slammed the car door with a squeal from the tires the car sped off into the night. Kenny watched the red lights blaring away disappearing into the dark night. If Kenny thought the silence in the car was thick he had not considered how dreadfully quiet it would be out in the night. The sheer ringing of his ears desperate to find something to listen to hurt his head he rubbed his hands together to create some noise and warm them up. The dark forest wrapped around Kenny haunting and hanging over him with tall trees and snapping twigs. 

A great feeling of loneliness washed over Kenny bringing with it a shaking. He shoved his hands into his pockets then searched the area squinting to find some landmark. Down the road there sat a sign the dark wood of the back of the sign facing towards him. Without any other plan Kenny began walking towards the sign. It stood on two thick wood logs and had been cut out into a rectangular shape. As Kenny got closer he could see a narrow road just after the sign leading into the woods. The man got to the sign and carefully rounded it his lips pressing as his suspicions were confirms. 

“Starks Pond” was written out in white carved letters along with some basic information about the area. Kenny let out a sigh as he remembered being young and spending countless hours skipping rocks and throwing sticks into this very pond. He shared many a kiss and took many a date to this pond. As he began down the road towards the trail to the pond he felt a calm come over him. Seems he’s always ending up here and he’s always starting things here. It seemed only natural for his long-term relationship to be ending here too. The memorized trail down to the pond with tall trees beckoning him further into he woods felt more like home than his apartment had felt for a very long time. 

Finally Kenny reached the pond, completely serene and quiet a few drops of rain were still coming down adding to size of the lake. Kenny brushed away some leaves and water off a fallen log placed beside the lake side and took a calm seat. For a minute he watched over the water collected himself and his thoughts before finally he cast his eyes down and began searching for a rock to skip. The blonde man found a rounded rock and weighed it slightly in his hand before tossing it across the lake the rock hit once before dunking into he lake. Kenny frowned deeply at his failed attempt. From behind breaking through the silence came a snapped twig and Kenny whipped around worry growing in his chest. It was incredibly late and no-one should have been lingering around the pond. 

“Oh golly”he heard in a very familiar yet oddly different voice Kenny squinted towards the voice’s direction. 

“Butters?”Kenny asked shocked, but the suspect stepped closer. The moonlight broke through the clouds falling upon the fair pure white skin of the always naive Butters Stotch. His light blonde hair now cut into an undercut slightly drizzled with rain, his face still rounded and innocent looking, and his baby blue eyes still just as full of wonder as they had been when they were kids. The blue bright with the left pupil scarred and lighter from their escapades as children. His hands and fingers fumbled together as they always did somehow he hadn’t aged a day and yet at the same time he’s aged too many for Kenny to be comfortable with. 

“Ken? Well isn’t it a real small world”Butters offered a small smile. Kenny missed that smile, he’s missed all his friend’s smiles. 

“Small world? Maybe. But small town, definitely”Kenny chuckled Butters ducked his head down and laughed as well. 

“What are you doing out at this time of night?”Butters stepped closer and Kenny quickly shifted to move over and make some room on the log for Butters to sit. 

“Kinda a long story. What about you? What’re you even doing back in town”Kenny asked Butters pressed his lips and looked away into the deep woods. 

“Long story too”he answered in a whisper then they went quiet which set Kenny into a strange panic. 

“Well if I tell you my story will you tell me yours?”Kenny quickly offered he couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. 

Butters looked back then smiled softly “Alright, it’s a deal”. Kenny laughed at the notion of making some deal just to talk about his life drama, but the idea of his life falling apart hit him and his smile fell too fast. Kenny set himself to search once more for a skipping rock. 

“You remember in eighth grade when Brandy White showed her bra to the entire school and got suspended”Kenny recounted randomly Butters began giggling. 

“Yeah and then she got really popular”Butters said covering his smile. 

Kenny laughed loudly “And then that guy Doug wanted to be popular so he showed his boxers and got detention. Not to mention all the choice nicknames he never out grew”the two laughed together their laughter echoing across the lake and through the quiet forest. “Still not fair he only got detention and she got suspended”Kenny added. 

“My favorite of his nicknames was Hearts”Butters pointed smiling widely. 

“Really? I liked Pencil Dick”then they laughed again. The two fell into reminiscing each taking turns asking if the other remembered. It shocked them how much they did remember and how much they did not. Kenny forgot how much he loved talking with his friends, how much he loved talking with Butters. Butters was always a joy to be around he was so optimistic. Nothing could ever keep him down and that was refreshing to Kenny. The taller man droned off laughing then held up a perfect skipping rock. 

“You still a god at rock skipping”he asked smirking. 

Butters smiled “You tell me”he took the rock from Kenny and stood up. Kenny’s eyes jumped up and down Butters’ body for a second taking it all in before focusing back on the rock in his slim hand. Butters narrowed his eyes before sending the rock flying through the air it bounced against the water seven times before plopping into the water. 

Kenny let out a loud laugh “That’s awesome, how do you stay so damn good?”. 

Butters smiled and sat back down “Never stopped practicing I guess”he shrugging lightly. 

“That’s right. There’s a lake at your school huh”Kenny asked leaning forward a bit Butters’ smile faded and they went quiet again. 

“It’s kinda cold out here. Maybe we should head somewhere. Coffee?”Kenny asked ended their silence once more. In his mind he was procrastinating on tell Butters about his issues. It had only been about thirty minutes, that was not a lot of time to process although Kenny had seen this break up coming for some time now. 

“Hot coco sounds better”Butters smiled standing and offering a hand to Kenny who smirked “Alright, let’s go”. Kenny held back branches of a far reaching tree for Butters to duck under as they walked back up the trail Kenny just came from. 

“Did you drive?”Butters asked carefully watching his step Kenny swallowed. 

“Uh no, you?”he looked over and Butters nodded. The two ended up at one of the various 24 hour diners that South Park is so infamous for. When the two walked in brushing rain off their shoulders at the ungodly hour past 3 a.m. the hostess gave them quite possibly the best death glare Kenny’s seen— besides Kyle’s of course. They were sat at a booth against the front window looking out across the glorious soaked parking lot with Butters’ lone car sitting in a large growing puddle. Kenny ordered a coffee and Butters asked for a hot coco, as promised, Kenny also added a plate of fries to share as they talked. 

“Alright, um I guess I should start with when I met her. But that hardly matter now”Kenny shrugged lightly his eyes falling onto the salt an pepper shakers. “I met CC at work and we hit it off well. Started dating after about month of knowing one another. I guess you could say it was fine for the first few months, but after a while it just wasn’t the same. I didn’t feel the same. Problem is that we had just gotten an apartment together. So like an idiot I pushed all those warning signs and painful feelings away. I really didn’t want to think about it all. I was stubborn like that for a while, too long in fact, but at a certain point you just gotta admit your beat and give up”he watched his hands fold and unfold on his lap without his knowledge of asking them to do so. A waiter appeared in Kenny’s peripheral view and started setting down their cups and plate. Kenny didn’t notice that he hadn’t been looking up until the waiter distracted him from his thoughts when he finally looked back up to Butters the other man looked sad and confused. 

“This is my long story by the way. Sorry, I didn’t mean to spring it on you”Kenny put out a hand as he realized he never gave any context before he started talking. 

Butters laughed nervously “I figured. Keep going I wanna hear the rest”he offered and Kenny nodded. 

“Anyway, we just broke up tonight. We were fighting and I think I might have started it, but who knows. She really changed, she was bitter and resentful, but so was I. We both were worse people being together and it was for the best. At least I think it was. Maybe”Kenny’s eyebrows furrowed together and he let out a sigh. “We fought and yelled. All that normal break up shit. Then we went quiet, it was weird not fighting and just sitting in the calm. I hated that quiet”Kenny shook his head dismissing that last thought. “She was driving and we were coming up to this curve, but she wasn’t turning the car so I had to do it and of course she got mad. I told her to stop the car and she said if I got out that was it and I did”Kenny slumped against the booth seat and reached for his coffee. “The worst part is I gotta find a new place to live and fast”Kenny chuckled nervous. 

“God Kenny, I’m so sorry. That must’ve been really hard”Butters quickly reached over the table and laid his hand on top of Kenny’s. The simple and delicate touch made Kenny feel safe and comfortable. 

“Thanks”Kenny managed a smile and they settled into a silence one that Kenny at first wanted to break but after realizing that it was calm and comfortable he began enjoying the ease of the quiet. 

“So, your turn”the taller man stated after a while he cracked a smile and Butters seemed to outwardly tense. 

“Oh uh okay”Butters began tapping his knuckles together as he always did when he was nervous. “I uh got a call- a couple months ago. From my mom and she told me that my dad had a minor heart attack”Butters spoke with such a soft and scared voice. Kenny’s face fell instantly as the weight of Butters confession fell upon the table. “I got home as soon as I could. I even took the entire quarter off school and now that my dad is on leave from work someone has to help with bills and stuff so I’m uh- staying home for a bit longer to help my mom out”Butters tapped his fingers on the table quickly and blinked rapidly to hold back the tears. “But that’s- that’s okay cause family comes first and I’m just glad my dad is gonna be okay. As long as he watches what he eats and doesn’t get too stressed out, he’ll be fine. P-Perfectly fine the doctor said”Butters quickly wiped his eyes sniffling and breathing heavily. “And it’s alright that I’m taking time offa school cause”a small sob escaped his throat despite his desperate attempts at keep his emotions in check. “I don’t belong there anyway”his jaw began trembling and he pressed a hand to his mouth. “Everyone there is so smart and I’m just- just not. I can’t even write a good essay if I tired and I can’t handle any more then two classes. Not to mention all the money I’m wasting just pretending I’m smart enough to go to some big college”he quickly covered up his face and let out a sob. His shoulders shook as he tried to collect himself sucking in breath after breath trying to stop his racing heart. “So yeah. It’s a long story”he mumbled pulling his hands away sniffling his nose and cheek were red and tear soaked. 

“God Butters. I’m so fucking sorry. Here I am complaining about my love life and you’re sitting here like nothings wrong. Everything is wrong and you deserve better than to listen to my trash”Kenny sighed dropping his arms down on the table. “I’m really sorry to hear about your dad Butters. I know he’s kinda-”Kenny paused maybe he shouldn’t finish that sentence considering the man just had a heart attack. “He’s not the easiest person to get along with anyway. But about school and stuff- uh don’t worry too much about it. I’m sure all you need is a break”Kenny was so unsure how to approach these types of problems especially school. All his schooling stopped at high school graduation and he did not enjoy or do very well during those four years. 

Butters sniffled and shook his head quickly “Don’t worry Kenny. Really I’m fine”he faked a smile well Kenny would even be convinced if he hadn’t know Butters for so damn long. “There are so many others who have it worse than me”Butters stated sadly Kenny scoffed. 

“That doesn’t make what you’re going through any less hard. Plus this is pretty heavy stuff. Don’t boil it down to nothing because you’re told others have it worse”Kenny waved his hands around a bit as if waving away a negative vibe hanging over them. 

“Sorry”Butters mumbled looking down “Don’t apologize, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for”Kenny pointed sternly Butters’ eyes opened a bit wider. “Okay, sorry Kenny”he tapped his fingers together and swallowed. 

Kenny pressed his lips then pulled in a breath, “Anyway, I wish I had more advice for you. If I’m honest I’m probably the worst person to talk to about this stuff. Dead end job, no college experience, don’t talk to my parents anymore. I’ve got nothing to offer, I’m stumped”Kenny shrugged and sat back siping his coffee. 

Butters quickly leaned forward “Kenny you’re smart on your own you don’t need to go to college. But-”he paused sheepishly. “Why don’t you talk to your parents anymore”he continued in a low whisper. 

“Oh well, we just fell out you know. They were never very caring and we always fought. When I moved out they didn’t care much and Karen went after. She and I and Kevin get together for holidays or birthdays. You know the big things, but we’ve all got stuff going on and our parents don’t really care so”he shrugged lazily “Why bother with them?”he finished. 

Butters nodded lightly “I see what you mean”he whispered in an understanding tone. They finished their drinks and plate of fries, paid, then left the diner. 

“What are you gonna do tonight?”Butters asked as they walked out towards his car. Kenny pressed his lips together tightly. 

“I’m not really sure. I guess I’m gonna go back and pack up all my stuff. I just hope she didn’t throw it outside. Then I guess I’ll stay in a motel until I can find another apartment”. 

Butters cast his eyes down for a second, “Well I’ll help you get your stuff. I have a car so it’ll be easier”. 

Kenny smiled widely “Thanks Buttercup, I really appreciate it”Kenny directed them to his apartment in the downtown district of South Park. The apartment complex was two stories with Kenny’s apartment being one of units on the bottom Butters parked right outside. The rain had started back up drizzling down on them as they unlocked the apartment door. 

“At least she didn’t throw anything outside. I didn’t think she’d be too crazy, it’s mutual. I think”Kenny pushed the door open and motioned for Butters to enter first in a display of good manners. The small square was dark and empty lacking a proper couch or table Butters could see a short hallway directed in front of the door which probably lead back to the bedroom and bathroom. The kitchen was off to the left of the door the sink full of dishes.

“Why don’t you kick her out, you guys share the place you’ve got as much right to it as she does”Butters asked looking around the place. 

Kenny smiled sadly “I don’t know I guess I don’t wanna put her out. Her job doesn’t pay too well and so she’d have a real hard time getting a new place”he shrugged “It’s just better this way”he started down the hallway while Butters let out a small sigh. 

“Savior Kenny, always gotta be the bigger man”Butters whispered Kenny poked his head out of the bedroom door “You say something”he asked. Butters put on a smile and shook his head then entered the bedroom. 

“I guess it’s a good thing we never bought anything too expensive, we could never really afford it, but maybe we knew this was temporary”Kenny yanked a beaten up duffel bag out of his closet. 

“Kenny this place isn’t very clean”Butters said stepping around a pile of dirty clothes with a disgusted face on. 

“Are you surprised. I mean you know me, I’m not really big on cleaning. Besides we were both so busy cleaning wasn’t the priority”. The mattress was on the floor the sheet pulled off one corner and blankets pouring off the side. Kenny was haphazardly shoving clothes into the duffel bag pulling them off the floor and out of the closet. He pulled open the first drawer of a plastic three drawer dresser and began pulling everything out. 

“To live in such sadness, makes me sorry”Butters mumbled hugging himself tight he blinked quickly. 

“Hey I know it’s not much but it’s all we could afford. Times are tough sometimes, but I was always happy to come back to my place and I was proud that I was on my own”Kenny smiled proudly making Butters feel guilty for his comment. “Plus it’s nicer and safer than my parent’s place ever was. This is all I’ve known, I’m used to it”Kenny moved past Butters continuing out into the living once more. The only nice piece within the apartment was a big flat screen t.v. Kenny smiled at the technology. 

“I bought this before I moved in here. It was my one and only big purchase. I’m definitely taking this”he tossed his bag down and went to unplug the television. 

“Should I grab anything in the kitchen while you’re doing that”Butters asked glancing around nervously. 

Kenny was knelt down messing with cords “Oh yeah I’ve got some mugs for coffee. The machine is her’s, but any blue mug is mine”he directed and Butters went to work. Butters searched through cabinets and on countertops for mugs he found three and wrapped them in shirts from Kenny’s bag placing them carefully in the duffel. 

“Alright- uh just some things from the bathroom then we can go”Kenny rushed off back down the hall leaving Butters to wait nervously in the living room. Butters hoped that Kenny’s ex would not turn up now because she would probably assume he was robbing them. Kenny returned with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and bottle of 3-in-one shampoo. He dumped the toiletries into his bag disregarding the dirtiness about to come to his uncapped toothbrush. Butters made a disgusted face, but turned away so Kenny could not see it. Kenny quickly zipped his bag and nodded slipping it over his head onto his shoulder. Butters looked over with a terribly sad face which caused Kenny to pause. 

“You know you can fit your entire life in one duffel bag minus the t.v.”Butters explained and Kenny smiled.

“Oh yeah”Kenny let out a short laugh “Cool huh?”he asked tilting his head slightly. 

Butters sucked in a breath “No! Not cool, sad. Kenny that’s not okay. You’ve lived here for a while and this is a big step. Aren’t you sad, aren’t you scared?”. 

Kenny frowned slowly then glanced around “In a way yes, but also in a way no. It’ll be the same once I find a new apartment. And who needs a buncha stuff anyway”Kenny shrugged fixing the bag on his shoulder. Butters was shocked at his optimism and his willingness to change, however that was a terrible misinterpretation of Kenny’s survival skills. They carried the t.v. out to Butters car sliding it into the backseat then Kenny tossed his bag into the back along with it and they drove off Kenny’s key placed on the kitchen counter. As they drove away Kenny watched the apartment grow smaller in the side mirror he sniffed and wiped rain off his face. 

~~

Butters stopped outside the motel Kenny had chosen “I’ll be right back”Kenny said quickly as he got out and ran through the rain into the lobby. Butters watched the windshield wipers shove the pouring rain off the glass in short arches. After a few minutes the door opened again “Pull up to room five”Kenny directed and Butters did as he was told. Carrying the t.v. into the motel room with the heavy rain proved more difficult than Butters first thought. The big awkward piece of furniture almost slipped from his grasp at one point. They set the t.v. against one of the walls and looked upon Kenny’s new temporary residence. The bed was small and the entire area smelled of cheap cleaning products and dust. The walls were old pale yellow stinging the eyes the of two having come from a dark and dull neutral toned world. 

“Thanks for all the help. I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t run into you Butters”Kenny smiled warmly and Butters felt a small smile grow in his own face. 

“Of course Kenny, I know you’d do the same for me for anyone really. And if you need anything just let me know”Butters offered and Kenny nodded slowly. Kenny didn’t ask for help often, most of the time he’s offered help and he really only accepts if he knows and trusted the person well. He believes in doing things himself that way he knows it will be done right and if not he has no one but himself to blame. Despite the events of the night and the sadness that Butters felt taking the short small glimpse into Kenny’s life neither would change a single moment that they had experienced. 

It was a couple days after leaving his apartment that Kenny finally began to feel the loneliness of the motel room. It was after he had a long day at work and upon returning to the cold, empty, and horribly quiet motel all he wanted was another person. In specific Kenny wanted Butters the other man had brought Kenny so much comfort that night and if Kenny was being honest it should have been the other way around. Kenny regretted not giving Butters any sound advice regarding his father or schooling. Butters was scared and Kenny could see that yet his mind went blank. He had nothing to offer. 

Nothing had changed since then Kenny still had nothing, but he just felt he should be with Butters offering some kind of comfort in return. Kenny spent three minutes trying to come up with the perfect text before finally asking Butters to meet up at a bar near the middle of town. The drink prices were modest and they played good alternative music. Butters received the text in the middle of doing dishes. Of course it was late, but after his mother got home from her temp job as a secretary all she wanted to do was eat and get to bed. Butters had been cooking and cleaning as well as caring for his father when his mother was away. The work was not hard only time consuming. I was spending multiple hours a day with his emotionally stunted father who would constantly ask about Butters’ studies that made the man so tired. One could only come up with so many excuses and ways to dodge the same question. 

Nevertheless Butters’ parents were asleep and he was free to go out if he wanted to. They met at the bar Kenny already waiting patiently on a stool resting his arms on the bar top. As soon as Butters tapped Kenny’s shoulder the taller man’s face lit up. 

“Hey, it’s good to see you again”Kenny said motioning for Butters to sit next to him. 

“Yeah”the light blonde laughed lightly “You too. How was work today?”the question was a simple conversation starter yet it struck Kenny in a strange way. He could not recall the last time, or even the first time, that his ex had asked him that question. 

Kenny noticed his long pause and shook his head “Long, but fine”he smiled and looked down. “I’m gonna order a beer. You want anything?”he pointed and Butters sucked in a quick breath. 

“No no, I’m not much of a drinker”he became slightly red in the cheeks and waved his hand. 

“Oh come on please. I wanna say thank you from helping me”Kenny gave a pleading face and Butters laughed. 

“Um alright something light”he began messing with the coaster on the counter. Kenny gestured the bartender over and ordered himself a beer and a white wine for Butters. After a quick check of ID the bartender left to retrieve the drinks. They fell into calm chat while they waited recalling once more the tails of their youth. 

“We used to do some really dumb shit as kids”Kenny laughed and took a sip. 

“I don’t know if half of it was an over active imagination or if it was real”Butters giggled. They talked about their classmates starting with their friends and eventually discussing the others. Neither kept too many tabs on their old classmates they only knew that some people were doing well while others were not.

“Is that- Oh it is”they heard someone exclaim however, the bar was starting to get more crowded as the night got into the later hours so it didn’t phase them. Then Kenny felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around. His eyes jumped when he saw Mrs. Broflowski smiling widely her hair still pulled into a high big bee hive although the color was slightly faded now. 

“Oh my god. Hi”Kenny chuckled, before he knew what was happening the woman pulled him into a tight hug. He reacted slowly, but eventually hugged back with a smile he had always liked Kyle’s parents best. 

“Oh, look at you all grown up. Brings a tear to my eye”she pressed a hand to her cheek and looked over. “And Butters- oh my you’re just a little adult now too”she reached over and pinched his cheek he bit his bottom lip in response his face going red again. 

“Thank you Mrs. Broflowski”he mumbled she burst out laughing. 

“Please, you’re adults now. Call me Sheila”she corrected the two felt odd about that considering this woman had known them their entire lives. “What’re you boys up to”she asked looking between them and cocking an eyebrow. 

Kenny quickly shrugged and lifted his beer “Just catching up. Butters is visiting for his parents”he offered as an explanation. It was strange for Kenny to run into people since he didn’t go out much, but he could easily assume that the Broflowski’s go out even less so seeing Sheila was a extremely nice surprise. 

“I heard about Steven’s accident. I’m so sorry, but I hear he’s gonna be okay so I’m very glad”she pressed a hand to her chest and Butters quickly put on a fake smile. 

“Thanks, we’re working through it. We’ll be okay”he replied in a rather structured and forced manner. 

“But what about you. What brings you out”Kenny changed the subject Sheila looked over to him in order to answer and Butters let out a breath. 

“Oh date night. We haven’t been out in so long, but Ike’s almost graduated so I feel more comfortable leaving him home alone”she answered laughing lightly Kenny nodded along. “But I’m sure you two don’t wanna hear about my boring life. Butters hun, how’s college? You studying hard?”she narrowed her eyes playfully and smiled. Kenny looked over quickly as Butters plastered another fake smile on his face this time wider and his eyes much sadder. 

“Oh yeah I’m doing just fine. Lots of tests. Lots of papers. But I’m fine”he forced out. 

“Sheila”they heard a man call, Mr. Broflowski no doubt, from across the bar when they looked over he had settled at a table with two drinks set up. 

“I better go. It was great to see you boys again. Keep up the good work”he smiled at the two and waved goodbye. They turned back towards the bar in silence and sat in their quiet. 

“Are you gonna be okay?”Kenny broke the quiet as usual. 

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine”Butters answered in a low tone his face flat. Butters twisted his wine glass a couple times the two watching the pale liquid inside slosh. “I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna think about it. I don’t wanna think about anything”Butters pushed a hand through his hair then sighed heavily and grabbed up his drink. With a swift movement Butters tipped the glass and downed the drink Kenny’s mouth fell open a bit in shock. “I just wanna forget. Would you help me forget?”he turned towards Kenny quickly catching the other man off guard. His eyes were innocent and full of sadness as he stared at Kenny. 

“What’d you have in mind”Kenny swallowed a nervous laugh bubbling from his throat.

The light blonde looked down “I just wanna lay in bed and have someone with me. I just wanna feel like I’m enough for someone even if it’s just for one night”he quickly looked up again. “Would you stay with me. Please? I don’t wanna be alone tonight”Butters reached over and grabbed Kenny’s hand finding them cold yet sweaty. Kenny cleared his throat then glanced over his eyes landing on the Broflowski’s table. Sheila quickly looked away obviously watching the two from afar. 

“Yeah- yeah sure. Whatever you need”Kenny answered nodding. They got up Butters grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair before leading Kenny out of the bar. Kenny pretended to focus on the wall as they left avoiding eye contact with the older woman who was definitely watching. The Stotch house was dark and quiet when they got there Kenny smiled softly at the cute novelty mailbox Butters’ mother picked out a several years back. Butters careful set his keys on a small table as they entered then slowly shut the front door. The Stotch house always felt slightly uncomfortable and unwelcoming to Kenny. Maybe it was because Kenny had only ever come around during birthday parties or after Butters’ parents were asleep. 

“Is it okay that I”m here?”Kenny asked after they made it up to Butters’ room and the door was shut and locked. Butters room had not gone through as many changes as a normal teenager’s room should have. His walls were still light teal and had posters of cartoons that he used to watch on the walls. Kenny always wondered why Butters never redecorated especially since the character’s eyes seemed to follow a person wherever they went in the room. 

“What they don’t know won’t kill them. You know I live by that rule”Butters tossed his jacket onto his desk still cluttered with nicknacks from his teenage and childhood years. “We’ve spent hours in this room without them knowing”Butters pointedly added his face tinting pink for the third time that night, this time it was not due to embarrassment. 

Kenny felt a smirk come to his face and he laughed “That’s true”. The twin bed used to fit the two much more comfortably when they were teenagers but after some adjusting they settled in. Butters laid against Kenny side his head on Kenny’s shoulder and hand on his chest while Kenny situated his arm around Butters his fingers playing with the fabric of Butters’ shirt. Kenny felt his stomach tying itself into knots as they laid there whispering in the dark. They whispered and laughed, talking back and forth, and smiling sweetly. They became enveloped in the moment forgetting about he outside world just as Butters wanted and as Kenny promised. 

There was a week long stretch of time before the two spoke to one another again. Kenny worried that Butters would have felt awkward after they spent that quiet night together, however Butters worried in the exact same fashion. Kenny could not deny he still had lingering feelings from high school regarding Butters, but he had just left a long and unpleasant relationship usually that’s when one would take time to rediscover what or who their looking for. 

Kenny did not want to take that time though, he wanted to be with Butters regardless if it was platonically or romantically Kenny just desperately wanted to be with the light haired man. Butters was so comforting to Kenny like a mother soothing her crying child. Butters somehow had a presence about him that could easily sooth Kenny’s unease. It was Butters who called Kenny around the middle of the day while Kenny was at work. Under all other circumstances Kenny would have ignored the call, but when he saw Butters’ name printed on his phone he could not answer quick enough. 

“You wanna meet somewhere”Butters said as soon as the line went through Kenny hadn’t even said hello yet. 

Kenny smiled “Uh I can’t ’til 8. I’m at work”he explained. Butters was up in his room staring at his desk tapping his fingers nervously. 

“That’s okay. Let’s meet when you get off work at the diner”he offered Kenny could sense an urgency in Butters’ voice. Kenny rushed over to diner as soon as he could a few minutes late from having to finish some tasks at work. Butters was alone in the same booth as before staring down into a cup of tea holding the mug tightly with both hands. 

“Hey”Kenny said softly as he sat down Butters looked up and smiled enough to welcome Kenny, but not enough to hide the nervousness in his eyes. “What’s going on?”Kenny asked quickly Butters waited a minute as the waiter came over and took Kenny’s order this time he ordered an actual plate of food since he hadn’t eaten lunch. 

“My dad had a doctor’s appointment today. They say he’s doing extremely well”Butters began staring once more into the depths of his tea. 

Kenny pressed his lips tightly “That’s great”he said but his sad tone would have fooled people otherwise. Thankfully for Kenny the kitchen pushed his food out quickly and the waiter dropped his plate onto the table, it was a simple dish. As Kenny started eating Butters sighed shakily. 

“He can go back to work in a month and my mom said I can go back to school as soon as I want”he swallowed his hands shaking the tea in his cup following suit. 

“Are you gonna tell them”Kenny asked swallowing a big mouthful of his chicken sandwich. Butters looked horribly at war with himself his eyes swimming in worry and guilt his mouth pressing then relaxing. 

“What would they say?”he asked his voice weak and shaky “How could I go in there and tell that I know I’m letting them down. I know I’m disappointing them. I know I’m a big waste. Just- how could I”Butters answered his eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill over into his tea. Kenny pushed his plate aside only fries left now he disregarded them for Butters. 

“With all the stress about money for tuition it’s no wonder my dad had a heart attack. I caused him so much stress and pain. If I told him now that I’m failing out he’d- I don’t even wanna think about what might happen”Butters jaw trembled a single tear breaching the dam. Kenny could see the exact moment that Butters broke he could no longer hold back against his better judgment he covered his mouth and cried. Butters’ shoulders bounced with each sob and Kenny stood quickly he grabbing Butters and pulled him out. Quickly Kenny tossed a twenty on the table and ushered Butters out of the diner they stood out by the car attempting to get some privacy. It had been raining earlier before Kenny even left for work, but by the time he was heading over to the diner it had begun snowing. The light pieces of ice fell from the sky dancing down on the two blissfully unaware of the crisis below. 

“This is not your fault Butters. Your dad’s health is out of your control. You didn’t cause this”Kenny gripped Butters’ shoulders holding him tightly. Butters tried to calm himself by watching the ground the flakes would drop down and melt into a puddle. 

“Can you tell me with certainty that my going to college didn’t cause my father’s heart attack in some way”Butters slowly looked back up and Kenny sighed. 

“Just because he got a little stressed for money doesn’t mean you’re the reason for his heart problems”Kenny said sternly. 

“Aren’t I? I’ve always put so much pressure on my parents. I’ve been such a nuisance even since they found out my mom was pregnant”Butters shook his head quickly. “Did you know I wasn’t planned”he tipped his head to the right “My dad wasn’t too happy finding out either. He thought they were too young and to add to that he always wanted a daughter. The big let down Leopold Butters Stotch”he let out a defeated sigh “The biggest disappointment you know”. 

“Hey”Kenny yelled startling Butters “You have no control over any of that shit. And if they can’t grow up and accept their responsibilities then that’s on them not you. You never asked to be born”Kenny shouted his heart beating roughly. “So stop saying your a big disappointment cause you aren’t. You made it out. You actually tried. Screw the outcome, you were smart enough and brave enough to leave and test your luck in the real world. Outside all these pine trees and tall mountains”Kenny motioned around them quickly. “Outside where things are scary and so strange. You left, that’s a lot more than others can say. I was too afraid. Scared shitless of leaving the comfortable nook of South Park. I regret not leaving cause now I can’t”Kenny pressed a hand to his chest and gritted his teeth. “You’ve got so many options. Don’t put yourself down. Even though you won’t continue at that dumb university you can still go to a community college and you have your pick of anywhere you want. You aren’t tied down”Kenny’s arms fell to his side and his breathing deep. 

Butters sniffled “But it’s just like you said Kenny. The outside world is scary. Everything is so daunting and I don’t know how to do anything. I can barely live on my own outside the dorms and my parents had to help me get an apartment. I’m not cut out for the real world. I belong in South Park where things don’t make sense to anyone from the outside world, but make perfect sense to me”Butters folded his hands together in front of his chest. 

“No, you’ll learn. I promise you’ll get better. South Park isn’t the place to be. People who don’t leave die here and they aren’t remembered for anything except their novelty mailboxes and a stack of unread newspaper eulogies”Kenny stood tall and stern about his conviction concerning South Park. 

“I wish you could come with me Kenny. You know everything and it’s been you telling me what to do since we ran into one another. I’ll just die out there without someone to show me the way”Butters cast his big blue eyes up at Kenny and stepped closer. 

Kenny felt a deep pulling of sadness “I wish I could leave, but I’ve got roots down here and just the same South Park’s got roots in me. Strong ones, that are pretty unbreakable”Kenny muttered looking away. Butters frowned deeply then quickly reached up and took Kenny’s face in his hands forcing him to keep eye contact. 

“You should always take your own advice. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. You need a new apartment you can have mine. You need new roots you can share mine. You need someone to help you tear out those old roots I’ll replace them with my own”Butters’ hands dropped down to Kenny shoulders and he fell against Kenny’s chest. “Please Kenny. You feel like the only thing that makes sense. You feel like home to me”Butters whimpered. Kenny’s eyes were wide but he slowly pulled his arm from his side and wrapped them around Butters. 

“You feel like home to me too”Kenny whispered into Butters’ hair as much as Kenny wanted to kiss Butters at that moment he held back. They didn’t need to kiss right then they knew everything was coming together and it was all going to be okay, as long as they were together. Besides, Kenny knew there would be many moments after where he would have the freedom and privilege to kiss Butters’.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone was curious, or caught on because I am not subtle, I took many lines and influences from a few songs. The beginning is in reference to Rise Against "The Approaching Curve", obviously Butters' struggles with school is In The Heights "Breathe", and I got inspired to put issues with his father's health by Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car". These were just songs that I had listened to and felt inspired by their meanings or lyrics. Thank you for reading I really hope you enjoyed!


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